One of the many topics I am obliged to take is religion; (they don’t just preach to us) they’ve tried to make the class interesting by talking to us about “major issues”, like cults and dealing with death and whatever else they think relevant to teenagers.
Well the topic we’ve studied is death and sorrow (hence title) and I find it so frustrating because I disagree with everything that comes out of the teacher’s mouth. She says that there are five stages that one goes through: Denial, Anger, Confusion, Depression and finally acceptance. I don’t think that everyone goes through all those stages in any particular order. I know I’ve dealt with grieving and death in my own way, and I find it absurd to categorize the emotions one goes through like that.
Take for example when someone dies in an accident, suddenly and unexpectedly, with a terrible arbitrariness that seems unjust and cruel beyond description. There seem to be very few consolations for those left behind. In such cases there is no preparation, unlike someone who is ill, and their fate is inevitable. Too much is left unfinished and unsaid. Almost like soldiers going to war, the possibility of their never returning gives significance to the farewells on the day they leave.
I think there are consolations though, once the person is dead, they would not want for those close to them to linger in sorrow. Think of those close to you, imagine them mourning when you die, then ask yourself how much sorrow you wish them to bare. I think a rational person would think that the amount be nor too much…nor too long. You would want them to come to terms with the loss and thereafter remember the good times. You would also want them to continue their life, which I think is the natural sentiment of the human condition (If that makes sense).
So, I think we need to find a balance, think of how much you’d want people to mourn when you die, and then try to do the same for someone who has died.
Another consolation might be sharing grief, mourning with people, ‘grief wounds more deeply in solitude’ Even if sharing sorrow doesn’t lessen it, after an amount of time it becomes a help in the process of recovery.
For someone in the midst of sorrow, hope seems so far away. But ordinary human nature is full of surprisingly deep courage, like the kind that makes it possible for us to believe that makes hope and a return to happiness possible. Sorrow is said to be one of the most profound teachers of wisdom.
I guess the point of writing this is so say that we shouldn’t categorise death and sorrow and grieving. Everyone deals with it in their own way. I believe that we never quite get over the sorrow caused by losing those most loved; we only learn to live with it, and to live despite it…which (and there is no paradox here) makes living a richer thing. That is sorrows gift…though we never covert it.
Sorry for another depressing blog, and I’m going to give a HUGE thanks to my only follower :) you made my day yesterday. Also I think this blog is going to turn into just more of my random thought patterns and what crosses my mind from day-to-day.