Views

Monday, November 12, 2012

Nano Time Again

This Nano is kinda a big deal for me. I'm on holidays from university leaving me with my thoughts and imagination over the break rendering me in the perfect mind set to actually finishing my novel this year.

The worst part about Nano, is actually starting Nano. I sat here in front of my laptop for a good 45 minutes thinking of characters and scenarios and plot twists and NOTHING. I had no words, but i realize now that I was trying to write a best seller. One cannot write a best seller with gripping tension and amazing lines in a month.

The truth is, just freaking start writing. ANYTHING, just build on what you have. It's kind of like a cake, if you fuck up the start, you just add more stuff to make it better. If it's lacking flour, you just add more flower. If it's too flourie just add some water. When the balance is right you can cruse in thoughts and ideas and eventually make up your mind. Well, that's how it's been for me at least.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

I have something to say

I've been staring at this blank page for over half an hour. Wanting to say something but have nothing to say. This lead me to this idea.

We shouldn't write because we want to say something.
We should write because we have something to say.

As a result that was something i had to say.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Fighting for or against?

You know that feeling when you just can't be bothered doing anything? It's how I feel right now with an assignment due in less that 24 hours, 1000 words left and my heart and soul just isn't in the piece of writing. I don't believe in what I'm arguing. I think that's the problem.

If I'm passionate about something like Gay rights, Equality, no Wars, Music, Philosophy and perspectives; these are all things that I find fascinating. Family Law to me is just tasteless. Why should I care about a couple getting a divorce, both parties being UNREASONABLE, neither cares about their children who are the real losers in this situation and they both just want to destroy each other. These people just don't get it, it's like trying to deal with a primitive form of life. To me, it's pathetic and I can't pick a side to argue for or against because morally I just think they are both in the wrong. That's just me.

Any whooo. I guess I have to, but it's times like these where I feel as if i'm on the wrong career path. I want justice and fairness in the world and I hope to make a mark on the system in the best way I can. But it's just so hard. People can be so closed minded and selfish. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm going to be coping blow after blow and just having to take it on the chin suppressing my own morality in order to get through the situation. I am strong now about arguments like this. But what I fear most is crumbling under the stress of fighting so hard for something and just being knocked back again and again as if i'm going no where.

I just hope everything will work out eventually for the better. 


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Story Time

So today I went to got my eyes checked and a memory came to me that I felt I needed to blog about. When I was a kid (about 6 year old) I needed glasses. I'd needed them way before that but thought what I saw was what everyone else saw. When it was night time, i couldn't see stars because my vision was so bad. Every time I went outside or looked up at night, I could only ever make out the moon. I thought stars were only in books and authors would draw them because we know they were there, we just couldn't see them.

I remember coming home and being fascinated by the world. My complete existence changed. I could see fence lines clearly and read the board without squinting in school. But most importantly, that night, I looked up at the sky outside my window and saw for the first time, stars. I was amazed and began an obsession with the universe. Stars and other planets. I started reading encyclopedias and was in absolute ore of the world.

This is just  random memory that I felt I should share as I don't want to forget it

:)

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Thoughts

I wonder if you sit and ponder as I do when I find myself too captivated by the world to speak. I wonder if in long car rides you rest your head upon window and gaze out and the trees passing by at 100kph. I wonder if you try and capture fragments of scenes before they’re gone. I wonder if the music you listen to evokes memories that you’ve tried to push away, evokes feelings you thought you’d forgotten, as it does for me. I wonder if you write out letters of things you’ve wanted to say only to re-read them and realize they make no sense at all anymore. I wonder if on silent nights you lay awake..the only company you’re willing to keep within your mind. Life is made up of nothing but memories. And it’s these memories that plague my thoughts and drown reality. It’s these memories I wish I could burn, like a photograph, to deny their existence entirely. It’s these memories…that I will so painstakingly cherish, for they are all that remains; a constant reminder of what once was.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Lonely

if you want me to move out west with you, all you have to do is ask and i will say yes. you can do what you need to do, and i'll be there doing whatever it is i'll do, and we'll make it work because we're both smart and we'll figure it out. we can talk about mountains and law and politics and we can talk in poetry, if you want. we can talk about all the things we think about in life, the things that make us tick and hum and keep on waking up in the morning. and you can tell me i'm wrong about mostly everything, but that's okay, because i don't think anyone ever truly gets it right. and we can stay up all night, fighting or laughing or crying, or play hide and seek in the city streets, or just stay up for the hell of it, making love at two in the morning because we're young and in love and we can do whatever the hell we want, dammit. and we can look at old baby pictures and wish we had met each other sooner in our lives and made better choices that might have led to that happening. and you can complain about the songs i listen to, and i can tease you about your accent. and i'll take pictures of you when you're sleeping and keep you in bed when you have to go to work. and we can drink coffee instead of tea, and have you steal my cigarettes. and we can write a book together. and fall asleep together. and wake up together. and maybe, for just once in our life, find one of those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, and smile and know that we made the right decision.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Reality


I’m suddenly hit with inspiration after standing out on the deck, staring at the stars reflection on the water; silver pepper blanketing the surface. It makes me think of reality. Above the water there is a totally different reality to what lies beneath the canal. Evolution comes to mind. Every creature lurking beneath the surface only has one thing in mind: survival. While we as humans, have the prospect of working, incomes, relationships and our fight for wanting more. We have consumerism, religions and much more to enrich our lives. In reality we have it easy, we’re all lucky and free. Some people think fish have it easy. In reality, we have it easy. Survival isn’t our priority anymore. A big house, fancy car and love are what we crave. And we will stop at nothing and sulk in our own self-pity and depression before we get it (if we get it). Fish are happy if they see tomorrow. This idea spurned as I lay awake last night, listening to the sounds of fish jumping before it occurred to me that they aren’t jumping because they can or because they’re happy. They jump to get away of a bull shark or a stingray; desperate for survival. There is seldom beauty in that. Nothing, but for the cold reminder that they are living in constant fear. If anything, those sounds should remind us of how lucky and fortunate we are. Sure we have struggles that they will never have to face, bullying, hate speech, debt. But those things thrust upon us give us perspective. Perspective of how life’s not fair but it goes on. It goes on is what we take for granted most of the time. A small fish borne into an ocean of predators isn’t fair, but if it didn’t happen we wouldn’t have living oceans. The species couldn’t continue. We would continue, regardless of bullying or debt. That’s what we take for granted. I think I’m just continuing to write deliriously in the dark, counting numbered days I take for granted.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

2012

This is a big year for me so I thought I'd just take the time to genuinely blog. I graduated high school, got into university and am moving out of home in the next two weeks. I'll just sit back and let that soak in. I didn't get my first preference which was to stay here in Brisbane and attend QUT majoring in Justice and Philosophy but my QCS mark (big state national test than has more flaws in it than Tess D'Urberville) didn't let that happen. But, there is no use sitting here with could haves and would haves. 2011 was pretty shit, but 2012 will be my bitch. I am attending SCU on the Gold Coast and will be living pretty much on the water of a canal for the net 12 months then transferring back to my first preference.

It's going to be a fun year, a great year, one filled with new possibilities and adventures than I want to share on this blog and my new youtube channel: www.youtube.com/jesshneil

I just want to let anyone know who is in high school that may not be the top of the class. This is a quote I will never forget: Never confuse Education with Intelligence. There were students in my class that could remember and regurgitate an entire text book. But had no idea how anything worked. I think that's why I had so much trouble with maths. I didn't know how the formulas worked, I just knew they worked. That irritated me to the point where I would plot out the whole formula and analyse it to the point where I wanted to set everything on fire. If you are a B average student like I was, or even a C average student. Just hang in there, it will get better and you will get out of there. There is a light at the end.

School was hell for me. I was a victim of bullying in grade 3-5. In High School Assemblies would fill me with rage because of the religious nonsense. Religion class would make me want to kill myself, we were told basically believe in the bible and all gays should not marry. Can you see why I was angry? Any rational human being surely understands why! This kinda ties back to what I'm saying, education and intelligence. I read philosophy in my spare time and would write notes just because I loved it. I couldn't study it at school because of the religion department. It makes me mad that outside people who do the QCS can just grade you on your student number and number of credit points in school. They have no idea who you are, what you think or how valuable you might be. Also, 6 months from now, no one will give a fuck how well you did.

Basically, school will screw you over but once you're free, you get to do whatever the fuck you want. There are ALWAYS back ways into courses that you want to do. Worst case scenario you just enter the workforce and build up once subject at a time to bank some credits to go study what you really want.

Good luck if you're entering into grade 12, it's a bitch.