Saturday, December 10, 2011

It's Not Hard


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

— William Ernest Henley, Invictus

Saturday, December 3, 2011


Watching people out the bus window go about their day. I don’t know if it’s just my relentless negativity about most things. But, it seems as if people are all just trapped on this planet, it’s a jail. We have choices but that doesn’t make us free. My future consists of University, Job, live off pension, die.

So why do it? What keeps us alive? Is it love; that cancer-like feeling that ultimately hurts us the most? Is that our purpose? Is finding some kind of human connection with somebody else really our purpose, or is it that we are all conditioned to think that?

Does being positive in the face of adversity make us strong?
Or are all the positive people in denial, going about their day in unconsciousness?   

Books and Nanowrimo

I’ve been thinking about just books in general today and In particular why my nano fizzled into nothing two weeks in. When I was writing all I wanted to do was point out the obvious and expose the novel from the very beginning. But no, I had to step around it with “show, don’t tell” in symbols and metaphors, all of which were hard to conjure up even with the aid of google. The truth is, writing is hard and tedious. Nano re-enforced that to me.

This got me thinking of why do I love the books I love, what makes them better than my 30 000 words? It’s because we watch someone else thump their heart on a page, all their emotions. We truly see THEM and because we see them, we see us. We see our heart on the page. We resonate with the characters and the plot; it seems to understand us even when we don’t quite understand ourselves.

My resolution: Well, I’m a very reserved person and starting this blog was a conflict of interest for me. But, I did it. Why? Because I have something to say, even if it’s on the smallest, back corner of the internet, it’s out there and YOU’RE reading it. That’s what my novel needed. I know Nano is over but I’m going to finish it. I want quality not quantity.

Anyway, because I’ve just finished high school I have a heap of time to spend with proper ideas and deeper thinking, which is really want to share with the world.

Friday, December 2, 2011

I'm sick of everything

I don't give a shit about people magazine
I don't give a shit about the omg, lmfao and rolf's
I don't give a shit about Justin Beiber's hair, new car, hair, face, hair and especially about his music
I don't give a shit about Kim Kardashian's fashion line, marrage and divorce or the square foot of her ass
I don't give a shit about the media spending millions of dollars building someone up then getting millions tearing them down again a few years later
I'm tired of strip malls, chain stores.
I'm sick of the concept of freedom of choice and how it's mutated into the choice between shopping at K-mart, Target and Myer.
I'm surposed to feel at home at this chain restaurant but I feel like a lab rat
I'm surposed to feel joy and excitement when I see a new movie poster but instead I feel exausted and depressed.
I don't give a shit about the latest Iphone and 9000 apps that come with it
I don't give a shit about the latest xbox or PS3
I don't give a shit about social networking sites where people post about what they had for dinner
I don't give a shit about x-factor
I don't give a shit about American Idol, I resent it, music shouldn't be about the popularity and the goal being to have millions of consumers like it, it should be an artform for people who actually have something to express for people who want to listen to it and appreciate it.

There's a reason someone invented the words: Alienate and Misanthrope.
 Maybe I was born either way too early or way too late, there seems to be a process you're surposed to go along with and I have no interest in going along with it. I'm so sick of everything.